Can someone explain grass to me? No I don’t mean the kind that’s illegal, I mean the stuff we all waste tons of money trying to grow in our yards. Living in the suburbs in the Midwest, lawns fall somewhere between a status symbol and a religion.
People spend hours fertilizing their grass and watering it. They pay for lawn services to come spray heaven knows what kind of chemicals on it to keep it lush and green. All of which equates to people spending a boatload of money so the grass will grow, grow grow.
Once it’s grown what does everyone do? (Puts hand to ear and listens for audience response.) That’s right, class. They spend hours mowing it. Not just mowing it, but mowing it in diagonal lines. Why? I have no clue. I think diagonally striped lawns are the male equivalent of a sexy new pair of heels. They inspire compliments and envy.
No matter what your neighbor’s lawn looks like, you must remember the grass isn’t always greener. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that adage when your writer friends are jumping up and down because they’ve sold another book, or snagged the agent you wanted, or, the holy grail of writing, they are making so much money they can quit their day job.
You might read a book that made the NYT bestseller list and scream, “They used adverbs. This is total crap.” Envy and jealousy can spur you on to work harder at achieving your own goals. Remember the golden rule: Never trash another writer’s hard work. You may not like their books. That’s okay. Keep it to yourself. If someone asks what you thought of it, say you haven’t had time to read it yet. All authors have a to-be-read pile, which could rival the Eiffel tower so this excuse is plausible.
Other authors aren’t your competition, they are your allies. They are the people who understand when you say the voices in your head keep shanghaiing your plot. They get it when you gripe about being distracted by the plot bunny with the new boyfriend smell. Anyone who manages to sit down and bang out 80,000 words and is brave enough to share it with the world and lucky/hard-working enough to have it published deserves your respect.
And yes, the people who can write 80,000 words in a weekend are freaks of nature and it’s okay to resent them a little bit. And you might want to ask what kind of industrial strength coffee they’re drinking but keep any snarky opinions about their writing to yourself. Rather than cutting each other down, we can all move forward together and grow.